MARITAL BEDDING

Snippet of conversation from dinner time in our home:

Me: Well I stripped the bed today to wash the sheets, and I was about to remake it and I thought I'd better discuss it with you first...
Husband: Discuss WHAT?!?!
Me: Well, I was thinking I'd take the winter blanket off, but then I couldn't decide, flannelette sheets, or normal sheets??
Husband: ... Maybe normal sheets?



To me this most mundane of business is really the bread and butter of how we live our lives together. I know my husband is going to be too hot before me (he's also, mysteriously, too cold before me? I think he's just one of those sensitive people who feels the changes most acutely!) so when I ask him which sheets he wants I am expressing my love for him, instead of imposing my will for how things ought to be. If we're going to share the same bed let's agree on what sheets we both want, before we try to work out anything more serious!

It's this gentle dance of respecting the shared space of our lives which must be done to keep harmony. My husband is relieved not to have to take part in the decisions on what we will eat every single night, however every so often he will say "You know what you haven't made in a while??" My husband takes me out for lunch every Sunday. I am so pleased not to have to prepare a meal that I don't really mind where we go, but out of courtesy he always asks where I'd like to go!

Some people call it give and take, others speak of balance, but those things really point to the idea that we are tilting in one spouse's favour at every turn. So many little decisions must be made in a marriage and it is all too easy to keep a score sheet and feel "But I let you have your way the last three times, it is my turn!" if it is simply about balance.

Often it just happens that one person has the idea and the other follows, but if we are to follow in a loving manner, we shouldn't allow our spouse to feel that we are begrudging them our acceptance. Similarly the party that is asking for something shouldn't desire the other person to feel compromised. It might be just a mental leap to learn to say "I'll do it for us" instead of "I'll do it for you". Congratulate your spouse when they have a good idea, and congratulate yourself for recognising it, and helping make it a reality. 

We should be striving for unity, rather that feeling that we're always giving in to the demands of the other. True unity is in the decisions where we don't worry about whose idea it was but where the decision will take us. Will we go together? Will it drag us apart?

Respect the Union.


We went with the "normal" sheets, by the way. I'm relieved to be rid of the wool blanket, but I'm still having problems deciding on pyjamas every night! :)