Time for this again. Sigh. I feel it is going to be a bit disappointing as I haven't really FOCUSED on it like I should. Ah well, let's not get discouraged, lets just chip away at these things, few months left!
1. A working cleaning schedule
Ok. So. I have made the list of jobs I talked about in the last update. And I have had some ideas about how best to structure my week to get them done.
But also, I got my Dyson Handstick off layby two weeks ago and OH. MY. GOODNESS. It has totally REVOLUTIONISED my cleaning. I now vacuum sometimes three or four times a week! It's gone from "most hated job", to "almost fun"! If, like me, you HAAAAAATE vacuuming, this is the solution. This may be the best $299 I spend this year. Yes it's early, and yes that's a lot of money, but I am so so happy with it.
3. Say the rosary
It's not TOTALLY hopeless, I have said a couple of broken rosaries. And I've had some thoughts about getting X involved, which might help.
4. Start traditions/honour saints' feast days
Once again, it's not totally hopeless, I have done some thinking on this one.
I'd like to read some of the many books we own about St. Therese of Lisieux, and start doing the Tuesday prayer thing with her. I've seen a really nice statue of her which I'd like to get as a 1st birthday present for E (any excuse really!).
And I've started reading the kids a book about Saints. They like that but it doesn't have all their saints in it, so I'm thinking about maybe making a Family Saint Album...?
5. Finish the baby books
I have consciously put time into this this week. Benedict's book is the most comprehensive (read: SO MANY FREAKIN QUESTIONS!!!) and so consequently the most behind!! And I'm budgeting to print more photos (E's doesn't have any photos yet) which is the other thing that needs doing, apart from just entering the information. I've also looked into having some plywood boxes made to put the baby books and some mementoes into... Because I am rich? And obsessive? It's just a nice idea, maybe one day...
6. Cover the kids' books
I can't remember if I've covered any more since last time. I had the thought "before I put these back in the cupboard* I should cover them."
*My kids don't have access to all the books at once. For my sanity, and their safety.
7. Multivitamin
No. Eek! The one that is most about looking after myself is the one I've done least about! And so, karmically, I am currently sick. Boo.
8. Save for Christmas
Yaaaasssssss! Put $50 in the account today!! Just so I could say so in this update! HA!
I have also decided that if there's leftovers once Christmas presents are bought we should use some of this money for going out for dinner in the last couple of weeks of school cos that's such a lovely end to the term/start to the Summer. So basically this cash stash can be tapped in November, all presents sorted by end of November, and then decide what to do with what's leftover.
Also candles for Candlemas, should buy those with this budget too. I have this terrible premonition that the MORE things I think of to buy from this budget, the LESS money there will actually be to buy them with!
Thursday, February 16, 2017
Thursday, February 9, 2017
MY THIRD BABY - The Crying
Here's the thing, once he's clean, dry, warm, fed, well-rested... If he still wants to cry, that can become really stressful for you. It certainly does for me.
Because here you are, desperately trying to meet his needs and make him feel secure, and he seems to have NO respect for how hard you're trying!!! I know mama, you're doing your darnedest to ensure he doesn't experience any discomfort, and trying to respect the fact that he's new here, it's a nasty shock, he's moved from a secure aquatic environment to a whole new ecosystem...
But this bit, where he's crying and crying, I think it's all part of learning that sometimes you can't fix it. Think about a time when you've been uncomfortable or life has been difficult in some way and someone has come in and done something that eased your discomfort. Ahhh, nice. Now think of a time when you've grieved a loss, and people have tried to ease your pain... Sometimes you can be distracted from it, but nothing quite removes the source of your anguish. Nothing can change the fact that what you had is gone.
He's grieving here. Grieving the easy life he's lost where he was never cold, hungry, or being irritated by an uncomfortable outfit*, and perhaps on some level he knows that life is never going to be that easy again.
And I think part of what makes it stressful for you is that YOU KNOW his life is never going to be THIS easy again! Sleeping 18 hours a day, eating on demand, wheeled around in a fancy hi-tech carriage, snuggled all day long, a wardrobe full of cosy jumpsuits (and ONLY cosy jumpsuits)... ALL expenses paid?!?!?! This is as good as it gets kid!
Sadly it doesn't stop here either. The crying (and screaming and whining and other unattractive emotional outbursts, where are they learning this stuff???) continue, into toddlerhood and beyond. And it probably won't get easier to listen to, or easier to sympathise with, especially when he's distraught over you putting his milk in the green cup instead of the blue one.
So at this point, as hard as it may be, it's best to accept NOW that NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, he is STILL going to hurt many times in his life. Whether you can see it, understand it, or agree that it is a good enough reason to scream the house down at 3am, he is still going to express himself that way at some point. And sometimes it will hurt you that he's hurting. That you perhaps could have prevented it, that it seems too much for him to be expected to cope with, that it's not... Fair? Or perhaps other times you will be glad that he's hurting! Maybe now he'll stop climbing on the furniture, or thumping his brother who's now big enough to thump him back!
It's all part of the "having a kid" experience. Babies cry. I wish someone had helped me understand that with my first child, because I think I genuinely thought I was going to be such a FANTASTIC mother that my child would never cry! Hoo boy it's been a long road to this point.
*An extra note here; your baby might be very cute but a fashion icon she ain't. Tutus are cute, but have you ever had tule come into contact with your bare skin? And she doesn't want to wear anything with a waistband for at least four to six months. ESPECIALLY if you're having issues with gas, just imagine a balloon with a rubber band tied around it... Step away from the size 000 jeans, it's Pyjama Time people.
Because here you are, desperately trying to meet his needs and make him feel secure, and he seems to have NO respect for how hard you're trying!!! I know mama, you're doing your darnedest to ensure he doesn't experience any discomfort, and trying to respect the fact that he's new here, it's a nasty shock, he's moved from a secure aquatic environment to a whole new ecosystem...
But this bit, where he's crying and crying, I think it's all part of learning that sometimes you can't fix it. Think about a time when you've been uncomfortable or life has been difficult in some way and someone has come in and done something that eased your discomfort. Ahhh, nice. Now think of a time when you've grieved a loss, and people have tried to ease your pain... Sometimes you can be distracted from it, but nothing quite removes the source of your anguish. Nothing can change the fact that what you had is gone.
He's grieving here. Grieving the easy life he's lost where he was never cold, hungry, or being irritated by an uncomfortable outfit*, and perhaps on some level he knows that life is never going to be that easy again.
And I think part of what makes it stressful for you is that YOU KNOW his life is never going to be THIS easy again! Sleeping 18 hours a day, eating on demand, wheeled around in a fancy hi-tech carriage, snuggled all day long, a wardrobe full of cosy jumpsuits (and ONLY cosy jumpsuits)... ALL expenses paid?!?!?! This is as good as it gets kid!
Sadly it doesn't stop here either. The crying (and screaming and whining and other unattractive emotional outbursts, where are they learning this stuff???) continue, into toddlerhood and beyond. And it probably won't get easier to listen to, or easier to sympathise with, especially when he's distraught over you putting his milk in the green cup instead of the blue one.
So at this point, as hard as it may be, it's best to accept NOW that NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, he is STILL going to hurt many times in his life. Whether you can see it, understand it, or agree that it is a good enough reason to scream the house down at 3am, he is still going to express himself that way at some point. And sometimes it will hurt you that he's hurting. That you perhaps could have prevented it, that it seems too much for him to be expected to cope with, that it's not... Fair? Or perhaps other times you will be glad that he's hurting! Maybe now he'll stop climbing on the furniture, or thumping his brother who's now big enough to thump him back!
It's all part of the "having a kid" experience. Babies cry. I wish someone had helped me understand that with my first child, because I think I genuinely thought I was going to be such a FANTASTIC mother that my child would never cry! Hoo boy it's been a long road to this point.
*An extra note here; your baby might be very cute but a fashion icon she ain't. Tutus are cute, but have you ever had tule come into contact with your bare skin? And she doesn't want to wear anything with a waistband for at least four to six months. ESPECIALLY if you're having issues with gas, just imagine a balloon with a rubber band tied around it... Step away from the size 000 jeans, it's Pyjama Time people.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
SOME THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT CHOOKS
Apologies if this post comes out of left field, but I was writing a few notes up for my sister and thought it might be of use to someone else too.
I love chooks. I think it's almost pure madness, if you have the space (and if necessary your landlord's permission) NOT to have have chooks. Don't get me wrong, I have the same Hitchcock-based aversion to birds as the next person, you don't want to stare into their eyes for too long, they'll give you the creeps, they pretty much always look angry. Just think of them like hardworking businesswomen, who don't have time for any crap, and you'll get along fine!
If you even need to be talked into the idea, here's why I love them: Minimum input, maximum result. Chooks require next-to-nothing in the way of maintenance beyond feeding, watering, maybe wing-clipping. You don't have to train them, you don't have to walk them, and they give you FREE eggs, and of course free entertainment!
When choosing your chooks, consider what you really want out of the experience. If it's eggs then Isa Browns are easy to come by (check with your nearest ag supplies place, they'll usually know where to get them, if not order them in for you) and once they start they pretty much lay an egg a day til they're soup. If you want a better looking bunch to complement your garden aesthetic, that's fine, you'll probably want twice as many birds to get the same amount of eggs. (If you want to raise them specifically for meat you'll have to do your own research.) Isa Browns probably have less personality than other breeds and might not always engage in normal chook behaviours because of being intensively bred for laying, they're not great eating, and they have NO maternal instincts... But they pop out eggs like one of those automatic tennis ball serving machines so we can forgive them all the rest!
When buying your chooks you're looking for "pullets" or "point of lay" hens. Pullets are cheaper, but they're a couple of months off laying. Point of lay hens are more expensive but they're ready to start pumping out the eggs straight away. You're pretty much just paying for a couple of months of chook food in that difference in price.
Once you know what sort of chooks you want and how many, it's time to consider where they'll live. I like those mobile homes for chooks that roll around your garden. No need to wear out one patch, fertiliser/aeration for the lawn, no need to decide on a definite spot for them, no need to diy it yourself... These typically have a mesh floor (or at least an option for one) to keep the foxes and things away. Take this option, even if you live in the very centre of town, you've never heard of urban foxes?? However a mesh floor means it would be kind to let your chooks out for a forage now and then as chooks love to scratch, and bathe in dust, which is hard to do with mesh under your feet. (Bathing in dust also helps keeps mites and other nasties at bay.)
If you do decide to build a little chook mansion of your own, you want to peg down the fences (some say to dig trenches and sink the mesh in so anything that tries to dig under is thwarted) and keep them at least waist height, if not higher. Also you want your fences to be a little shaky and dodgy looking. A fox will confidently scale a nice firm fence, but won't risk his neck on an unreliable one.
For the chook house itself a few perches, nice big branches or sticks, set at different heights are needed. Chooks are hierarchical so they maintain a pecking order, literally. The boss chook gets the highest perch, and so on. The chook house should also be pretty dark, the nesting boxes especially need to be dark. Asking a chook to lay in a nice airy light henhouse, though seemingly a pleasant idea, is like asking you or I to take a dump in the middle of the MCG just before the Boxing Day Test. Some clean straw every few weeks will keep them cosy and happy, and when cleared out will be effective fertiliser for your garden. Chooks I tell ya, they just keep on giving!
Then it's just plenty of clean water, table scraps and some sort of layer pellets, and they're happy as can be! I used to feed mine the "Red Hen" mix, but I found they would only eat the pellets and leave all the seeds and grains behind. Which is fine if you don't mind feeding mice and sparrows and every other scavenger bird in the neighbourhood. On which point, don't leave a heap of food lying around. Try to give them just a bit at a time and replenish it regularly, rather than providing a smorgasbord for all the local wildlife. Also on the subject of table scraps, they can eat just about anything. Dont give them citrus or onion, but anything else feel free to try them on it. The more variety they get, the better your eggs.
A final note: wing-clipping. If your chooks are constantly flying out of their pen, or into the neighbours yard, you can clip their wings. This is not cruel, no crueller than a haircut, and far less cruel then letting next door's dog savage them. You just clip the wing feathers short on one wing, which makes them fly wonky. Chooks are terrible flyers anyway, but clip their wings and they're pretty much only good to flap up onto their perch at night. Take a sharp pair of secateurs, have someone hold the chook by the feet while you stretch out the wing. Now feel the wing for where the warm part ends, you don't want to clip too close and injure them, or clip through their flesh, you're just trimming the feathers back as short as you can without doing that. NB. Do the same wing on every chook, so you don't have to worry about missing one, or doing one twice.
Questions? Fire away! 🐔🐔🐔
A final note: wing-clipping. If your chooks are constantly flying out of their pen, or into the neighbours yard, you can clip their wings. This is not cruel, no crueller than a haircut, and far less cruel then letting next door's dog savage them. You just clip the wing feathers short on one wing, which makes them fly wonky. Chooks are terrible flyers anyway, but clip their wings and they're pretty much only good to flap up onto their perch at night. Take a sharp pair of secateurs, have someone hold the chook by the feet while you stretch out the wing. Now feel the wing for where the warm part ends, you don't want to clip too close and injure them, or clip through their flesh, you're just trimming the feathers back as short as you can without doing that. NB. Do the same wing on every chook, so you don't have to worry about missing one, or doing one twice.
Questions? Fire away! 🐔🐔🐔
Monday, January 30, 2017
4 TRICKS I HAVE LEARNED WHICH HAVE DRAMATICALLY IMPROVED MY LIFE
I know, that title looks a little bit dramatic. These are things you probably already do and if that is so more power to you, you're way smarter than me! These are things that I have watched other people do for years and thought "Oh gosh, how can you be bothered??" But now that I do them, I totally see the point.
1. Clean up the kitchen at the end of each day
I wish I could change this to "after every meal"! Yes I work on getting the kitchen back to some kind of workable state after each meal so there's room to prep the next one, but I'm talking about the BIG clean up. At the very least this means leftovers put away, dishwasher packed and started, handwashing washed, all benches wiped, table and highchairs wiped. If you're feeling extra adventurous it might also mean dishwasher emptied, clean dishes all put away, stovetop/splashback/sink wiped down, quick wipe up under dinner table...
I used to get so frustrated with my own mum, we've just enjoyed a delicious meal, can't we all just relax now? There's no REASON why the dishes HAVE to be done NOW, let's just RELAX for ONCE!!! But now I get it. And if someone else is around, it's actually really nice to just stand around and have a chat with them, it's done in half the time, and then we CAN relax! There's just no REAL relaxation while there's still the spectre of a hideous mess looming over us from the next room. Deal with it now.
I think it really hit me once I became a mum and I realised how depressing it was, both looking around at night at a big mess and feeling like my whole day was just a process of making one big mess, and waking up to the mess that the me-of-the-past had very ungenerously left for the me-of-the-future, in an obnoxious "someone else can clean this up" sort of way. Now I walk into a clean kitchen (most mornings) and feel, in more ways than one, that I am starting with a clean slate.
2. If it takes less than a minute, do it NOW
And the previous point leads neatly into this one:
Think of the amount of times you walk in the door, take your shoes off and think "I'll put them away after I sit down and have a cup of coffee..." You open a piece of mail and instead of dealing with it immediately, you leave it on the bench top, where it will later move to the fridge, then to a filing box. You flag an email cos you don't have time to reply now, then you forget about it, then three weeks later you wonder why that company hasn't contacted you about your enquiry about that lost parcel... You leave something on the bench top, to remind you to put it in the car, so you can give it back to that friend when you see them tomorrow (and then over the course of the day you become so used to seeing it there, that you totally forget about it, and never put it in the car, so a special errand has to be arranged to return said item to said friend, GAH!)
The great thing is, once you make it a practice to do little jobs straightway, you no longer think of them as jobs, and your threshold increases. Now you're in the habit of putting things away straight away, you rarely have to waste time "tidying up", cos that's your baseline best-practice. It leaves you able to consider how much time the things you ACTUALLY WANT to do will take.
I've been trying to "plant a little herb garden" since we moved into this house over two years ago. Every time I have to shell out for herbs at the supermarket I curse my own lack of initiative. Two weeks ago I bought some potted mint and when I used the bit I needed for a recipe I planted it in the garden. Over the course of the two weeks I got into the habit of checking on it every day/couple of days, and it took off. And then just yesterday I realised that it would only take me about five minutes to sprinkle a few more seeds out and then I would just water them whenever I had to come out and check on the mint anyway.
It actually probably took me seven minutes, and we're not going to have "House and Garden" battering down our doors to get a picture of it any time soon, but it's done. After two years of procrastinating, IT'S DONE!
3. If you're in the kitchen anyway...
Every time you cook you're using up time, energy and resources, and most of that time you're only making ONE meal. You make breakfast and then you have to start all over again to make lunch. You make lunch and you have to start all over again to make dinner.
Most of us end up with leftovers at some point, but how many of us PLAN those leftovers? I'm not even talking about doubling a recipe so you can freeze a dinner for another night (though of course, that is an excellent idea) I'm thinking waaay smaller than that. Say you're slicing up a cucumber and you look at it and think "Well actually we only need half a cucumber for this recipe," What's going to happen to the other half? Seriously, have you thought about it? Do you KNOW you're making salad again tomorrow night? Or do you have NO PLANS WHATSOEVER for it? If you know you're making salad again tomorrow night, why not slice the whole thing up and pop it in a container? Tomorrow night you can just tip it in. If you have no plans whatsoever for it, the act of slicing it will probably help you at least remember that it's there.
It sounds like such a tiny tiny thing, but honestly you've got the knife and the board out now and it's not going to take you that much longer to dice the whole thing up. Tomorrow night, you may not even need to get the chopping board out! Tomorrow night when everyone is melting down, you'll be glad of having both hands free to deal with it instead of trying to cuddle a toddler with your knees while furiously chopping vegetables, leaving room for all sorts of injuries! And hopefully this way you won't find it growing mysterious new life forms at the bottom of your crisper when you try to pack in next week's groceries.
You're in the kitchen anyway supervising something cooking, why not boil a couple of eggs while you're there? Then tomorrow's lunch is sorted. You're really going to cut up and par boil five potatoes and leave the sixth one languishing in the back of the pantry? Chuck it in and leave it to cool after dinner. You can dice it up for tomorrow night's salad, you can mash it up and make salmon patties for tomorrow's lunch, you can toss it in the freezer for next week and it's one ingredient that's prepped and ready to go.
4. Make your bed
I probably spent most of my childhood thinking "What's the point? I can't wait till I leave home and then I won't have to do any of these pointless jobs!!" And now that I'm all grown up, and I'm home all day, it's so nice to walk past a nice tidy magazine-home bed! And it's sooooo nice not to fall in a crumpled heap, into a crumpled bed, and get smacked in the eye by the fitted sheet which has been working it's way off over the course of the last three nights... (note to self: buying sheets is not the time to get frugal) Getting into a crisp, neatly made bed at the end of the day? Sigh. Simple pleasures. Once again, it's a nice gesture from me-of-the-morning, to me-at-night!
Are you starting to notice a theme here? Stop leaving things undone so that future-you has all this extra work to do!! Spend a little time each day doing things to make future-you's life easier and more pleasant. She will look on you far more favourably if you make the effort!
1. Clean up the kitchen at the end of each day
I wish I could change this to "after every meal"! Yes I work on getting the kitchen back to some kind of workable state after each meal so there's room to prep the next one, but I'm talking about the BIG clean up. At the very least this means leftovers put away, dishwasher packed and started, handwashing washed, all benches wiped, table and highchairs wiped. If you're feeling extra adventurous it might also mean dishwasher emptied, clean dishes all put away, stovetop/splashback/sink wiped down, quick wipe up under dinner table...
I used to get so frustrated with my own mum, we've just enjoyed a delicious meal, can't we all just relax now? There's no REASON why the dishes HAVE to be done NOW, let's just RELAX for ONCE!!! But now I get it. And if someone else is around, it's actually really nice to just stand around and have a chat with them, it's done in half the time, and then we CAN relax! There's just no REAL relaxation while there's still the spectre of a hideous mess looming over us from the next room. Deal with it now.
I think it really hit me once I became a mum and I realised how depressing it was, both looking around at night at a big mess and feeling like my whole day was just a process of making one big mess, and waking up to the mess that the me-of-the-past had very ungenerously left for the me-of-the-future, in an obnoxious "someone else can clean this up" sort of way. Now I walk into a clean kitchen (most mornings) and feel, in more ways than one, that I am starting with a clean slate.
2. If it takes less than a minute, do it NOW
And the previous point leads neatly into this one:
Think of the amount of times you walk in the door, take your shoes off and think "I'll put them away after I sit down and have a cup of coffee..." You open a piece of mail and instead of dealing with it immediately, you leave it on the bench top, where it will later move to the fridge, then to a filing box. You flag an email cos you don't have time to reply now, then you forget about it, then three weeks later you wonder why that company hasn't contacted you about your enquiry about that lost parcel... You leave something on the bench top, to remind you to put it in the car, so you can give it back to that friend when you see them tomorrow (and then over the course of the day you become so used to seeing it there, that you totally forget about it, and never put it in the car, so a special errand has to be arranged to return said item to said friend, GAH!)
The great thing is, once you make it a practice to do little jobs straightway, you no longer think of them as jobs, and your threshold increases. Now you're in the habit of putting things away straight away, you rarely have to waste time "tidying up", cos that's your baseline best-practice. It leaves you able to consider how much time the things you ACTUALLY WANT to do will take.
I've been trying to "plant a little herb garden" since we moved into this house over two years ago. Every time I have to shell out for herbs at the supermarket I curse my own lack of initiative. Two weeks ago I bought some potted mint and when I used the bit I needed for a recipe I planted it in the garden. Over the course of the two weeks I got into the habit of checking on it every day/couple of days, and it took off. And then just yesterday I realised that it would only take me about five minutes to sprinkle a few more seeds out and then I would just water them whenever I had to come out and check on the mint anyway.
It actually probably took me seven minutes, and we're not going to have "House and Garden" battering down our doors to get a picture of it any time soon, but it's done. After two years of procrastinating, IT'S DONE!
3. If you're in the kitchen anyway...
Every time you cook you're using up time, energy and resources, and most of that time you're only making ONE meal. You make breakfast and then you have to start all over again to make lunch. You make lunch and you have to start all over again to make dinner.
Most of us end up with leftovers at some point, but how many of us PLAN those leftovers? I'm not even talking about doubling a recipe so you can freeze a dinner for another night (though of course, that is an excellent idea) I'm thinking waaay smaller than that. Say you're slicing up a cucumber and you look at it and think "Well actually we only need half a cucumber for this recipe," What's going to happen to the other half? Seriously, have you thought about it? Do you KNOW you're making salad again tomorrow night? Or do you have NO PLANS WHATSOEVER for it? If you know you're making salad again tomorrow night, why not slice the whole thing up and pop it in a container? Tomorrow night you can just tip it in. If you have no plans whatsoever for it, the act of slicing it will probably help you at least remember that it's there.
It sounds like such a tiny tiny thing, but honestly you've got the knife and the board out now and it's not going to take you that much longer to dice the whole thing up. Tomorrow night, you may not even need to get the chopping board out! Tomorrow night when everyone is melting down, you'll be glad of having both hands free to deal with it instead of trying to cuddle a toddler with your knees while furiously chopping vegetables, leaving room for all sorts of injuries! And hopefully this way you won't find it growing mysterious new life forms at the bottom of your crisper when you try to pack in next week's groceries.
You're in the kitchen anyway supervising something cooking, why not boil a couple of eggs while you're there? Then tomorrow's lunch is sorted. You're really going to cut up and par boil five potatoes and leave the sixth one languishing in the back of the pantry? Chuck it in and leave it to cool after dinner. You can dice it up for tomorrow night's salad, you can mash it up and make salmon patties for tomorrow's lunch, you can toss it in the freezer for next week and it's one ingredient that's prepped and ready to go.
4. Make your bed
I probably spent most of my childhood thinking "What's the point? I can't wait till I leave home and then I won't have to do any of these pointless jobs!!" And now that I'm all grown up, and I'm home all day, it's so nice to walk past a nice tidy magazine-home bed! And it's sooooo nice not to fall in a crumpled heap, into a crumpled bed, and get smacked in the eye by the fitted sheet which has been working it's way off over the course of the last three nights... (note to self: buying sheets is not the time to get frugal) Getting into a crisp, neatly made bed at the end of the day? Sigh. Simple pleasures. Once again, it's a nice gesture from me-of-the-morning, to me-at-night!
Are you starting to notice a theme here? Stop leaving things undone so that future-you has all this extra work to do!! Spend a little time each day doing things to make future-you's life easier and more pleasant. She will look on you far more favourably if you make the effort!
Friday, January 27, 2017
MY THIRD BABY - The Sponge Baby
A baby is best thought of as emotional sponge, in the sense that if you're stressed out; "Why won't he sleep? Why won't he eat? Why is he STILL CRYING???" Your baby KNOWS because he ABSORBS that tension. And what your baby thinks (if we can just sort of suspend reality for a moment) is; "Why is my chief protector and bottle washer so upset??? Is my life in danger?? That's the only reason I can think of to be upset! Oh no! I'm in trouble!! Oh I don't feel good now!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!"
It is also why, when he's crying, and you're stressed out about why he's crying, he doesn't stop crying. Even if you can find nothing significantly wrong with him, apart from the crying.
The baby absorbs whatever energy the person holding them is experiencing. This is why he cries when handed to his uncle, who hasn't held a baby in years and didn't want to hold him anyway and forgets exactly how to do it... But he drops peacefully off to sleep in seconds in the arms of sweet old Granny, who knows without a doubt that every baby she's ever held has calmed down seconds after her picking them up.
It doesn't really matter that baby doesn't speak English yet (and it doesn't matter how long it takes them to learn to speak) they have a failsafe method of telling you who they like and who they don't, which is to fuss a little, or scream bloody murder, depending on the person and situation. I'm of the belief that if your child is telling you that they're not happy being held by someone who is essentially a stranger to them, then you will build their trust by respecting their wishes and taking them back. No offence to the other person, but there's a biological reason why a new baby wants to be held by Mum, and until you can convince them otherwise, have a bit of respect for their tiny world and do as they ask.
I've noticed too that sometimes the higher the stakes, the more stressed the person holding him is going to be. Sometimes Grandma or Poppy are so keen to make a good impression, that a totally relaxed baby senses all that anxiety and demands to be returned to his rightful owner. Similarly, when Mum hands him to the lady next door in desperation, baby immediately relaxes cos the lady next door knows her only job is to hold the baby so Mum doesn't do anything regrettable. She has no stake in whether baby calms down or not cos all her energy is focused on protecting Mum.
The solution to all of this bad energy (especially when you're on your own and you can't simply hand the baby off to someone else for a turn) is to let him wring all those bad feelings out of his sponge, onto your sponge, and you can then gently release them using whatever relaxation technique works best for you. Every time you feel yourself getting tense, just take a moment to imagine that transfer; he's getting rid of his bad energy, you're absorbing it and releasing it, so he can absorb your nice calm energy.
My favourite relaxation techniques in these situations include taking a deep breath and blowing it out as slowly as humanly possible, or addressing all my muscles (in my mind) to see where I'm holding tension then clenching that muscle as tightly as possible, then releasing. Some people use visualisation, imagining a waterfall (or a calm baby??) This is also where singing, humming, rocking or bouncing are also good strategies because these rhythmic, outward focussed activities help to calm YOU down, so baby can absorb your calm. I swear sometimes these techniques work from across the room. Practice them while you're pregnant so you can use them in labour, then keep using them all the time to prepare you for the toddler and teenage years!
A quick addendum, if it even needs mentioning, that the above reference to "strangers" does not include Dads. Baby has heard Daddy's voice all throughout the pregnancy, and Dad has to learn to hold and settle the baby. Within reason, obviously Dad shouldn't be left to try and settle a ravenous breastfed baby. He can and should be learning all the settling techniques that Mum is up at night Googling, and respecting that Mum might have milk, but she doesn't have superpowers. Most of her settling prowess has been hard-won through trial and error. Sometimes Dad will need to hold or deal with the screaming baby so mum can have a shower, or take a breath of fresh air, and I think that is totally fine. Baby can scream all he likes in the loving arms of someone he knows*.
Of course there's also a biological reason why a baby's cry is so stressful to listen to. In the rare event that there is something seriously wrong with baby, I reckon he will let you know. In my experience, if his temperature is fine and his breathing is fine, then chances are he's probably just stressed. Or "teething", whatever that means. And yes he might be stressed because he's hot or cold or windy or whatever, but none of these situations will be helped by your worrying about it. However all of these situations will be GREATLY improved by you maintaining a calm demeanour so that you can make good decisions about the action you take.
*Reserving the right that no matter how much anyone loves their baby, they must always be free to put them down if they feel that either of them is in danger. Baby will be perfectly safe in his cot or playpen while Mum or Dad boils the kettle for a cup of tea and recollects their composure. If you are getting angry, DO NOT just soldier on. I'm very firmly opposed to the idea that a baby will suffer more from screaming than he will from being held by someone who wants to scream.
It is also why, when he's crying, and you're stressed out about why he's crying, he doesn't stop crying. Even if you can find nothing significantly wrong with him, apart from the crying.
The baby absorbs whatever energy the person holding them is experiencing. This is why he cries when handed to his uncle, who hasn't held a baby in years and didn't want to hold him anyway and forgets exactly how to do it... But he drops peacefully off to sleep in seconds in the arms of sweet old Granny, who knows without a doubt that every baby she's ever held has calmed down seconds after her picking them up.
It doesn't really matter that baby doesn't speak English yet (and it doesn't matter how long it takes them to learn to speak) they have a failsafe method of telling you who they like and who they don't, which is to fuss a little, or scream bloody murder, depending on the person and situation. I'm of the belief that if your child is telling you that they're not happy being held by someone who is essentially a stranger to them, then you will build their trust by respecting their wishes and taking them back. No offence to the other person, but there's a biological reason why a new baby wants to be held by Mum, and until you can convince them otherwise, have a bit of respect for their tiny world and do as they ask.
I've noticed too that sometimes the higher the stakes, the more stressed the person holding him is going to be. Sometimes Grandma or Poppy are so keen to make a good impression, that a totally relaxed baby senses all that anxiety and demands to be returned to his rightful owner. Similarly, when Mum hands him to the lady next door in desperation, baby immediately relaxes cos the lady next door knows her only job is to hold the baby so Mum doesn't do anything regrettable. She has no stake in whether baby calms down or not cos all her energy is focused on protecting Mum.
The solution to all of this bad energy (especially when you're on your own and you can't simply hand the baby off to someone else for a turn) is to let him wring all those bad feelings out of his sponge, onto your sponge, and you can then gently release them using whatever relaxation technique works best for you. Every time you feel yourself getting tense, just take a moment to imagine that transfer; he's getting rid of his bad energy, you're absorbing it and releasing it, so he can absorb your nice calm energy.
My favourite relaxation techniques in these situations include taking a deep breath and blowing it out as slowly as humanly possible, or addressing all my muscles (in my mind) to see where I'm holding tension then clenching that muscle as tightly as possible, then releasing. Some people use visualisation, imagining a waterfall (or a calm baby??) This is also where singing, humming, rocking or bouncing are also good strategies because these rhythmic, outward focussed activities help to calm YOU down, so baby can absorb your calm. I swear sometimes these techniques work from across the room. Practice them while you're pregnant so you can use them in labour, then keep using them all the time to prepare you for the toddler and teenage years!
A quick addendum, if it even needs mentioning, that the above reference to "strangers" does not include Dads. Baby has heard Daddy's voice all throughout the pregnancy, and Dad has to learn to hold and settle the baby. Within reason, obviously Dad shouldn't be left to try and settle a ravenous breastfed baby. He can and should be learning all the settling techniques that Mum is up at night Googling, and respecting that Mum might have milk, but she doesn't have superpowers. Most of her settling prowess has been hard-won through trial and error. Sometimes Dad will need to hold or deal with the screaming baby so mum can have a shower, or take a breath of fresh air, and I think that is totally fine. Baby can scream all he likes in the loving arms of someone he knows*.
Of course there's also a biological reason why a baby's cry is so stressful to listen to. In the rare event that there is something seriously wrong with baby, I reckon he will let you know. In my experience, if his temperature is fine and his breathing is fine, then chances are he's probably just stressed. Or "teething", whatever that means. And yes he might be stressed because he's hot or cold or windy or whatever, but none of these situations will be helped by your worrying about it. However all of these situations will be GREATLY improved by you maintaining a calm demeanour so that you can make good decisions about the action you take.
*Reserving the right that no matter how much anyone loves their baby, they must always be free to put them down if they feel that either of them is in danger. Baby will be perfectly safe in his cot or playpen while Mum or Dad boils the kettle for a cup of tea and recollects their composure. If you are getting angry, DO NOT just soldier on. I'm very firmly opposed to the idea that a baby will suffer more from screaming than he will from being held by someone who wants to scream.
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