THE STORIES WE TELL OUR CHILDREN - CINDERELLA

I think, I hope, if you know me, you know how much I love a good story. I really do pride myself on holding the audience's attention, mimicking the voice or mannerism of a character, modifying my timing, a dramatic pause... And occasionally, very occasionally, just gently massaging the truth...! If you know someone who spins a great yarn it's not a trick, or a bit of luck, but a skill and a great gift. Now that I have children I really enjoy reading with them, and I think perhaps a little too deeply about the messages I want them to hear. I really do consider myself curator of my children's library!



Having listened to a version of Cinderella this week as a kids'* audiobook, my English-teacher/sociologist** brain went into overdrive! I found myself musing on each little twist of the tale, which I had never before considered as a carefully crafted sequence. Cinderella has been much maligned in feminist theory (as have pretty much all "princess" stories) because to them the poor girl appears completely forlorn, waiting around for a bloke to save her. However none of the aspersions cast has done anything to dim our fascination if the Disney-franchising-and-merchandising-machine can be relied upon, and I think Cinderella might have some important lessons to teach us. This story, which enchants girls of all ages, who ALWAYS identify with Cinderella (not the Ugly Stepsisters, or the Stepmother, or the Fairy Godmother...) why does it endure? 

My Daughter, may you always identify with Cinderella, with the most beautiful of them all. May you always revile cruelty, and true ugliness, which is the ugliness of character.

Cinderella's beauty is repeatedly mentioned, not just a genetic gift, but as a reflection of her virtuousness. She might have been just a pretty girl, but the storyteller is always quick to point out the greater value; her kindness, which radiates out to make her fine features more attractive. Cinderella suffers much at the hands of her stepfamily not because of the physical labour, but because of the offence to her generosity. But she never lowers herself to their level, rather their unkindness forces her to strive for new heights of goodness, rising above their evil treatment day after day. New versions say she does this to fulfil her promise to her mother, but in the older version her mother implores her to be virtuous for God's protection.

Here is where your beauty lies, oh Daughter, in always rising above the evil around you. Evil always attacks goodness, but true goodness is always good, no matter the circumstances. It has faith that justice will be served.

Cinderella is deprived of all that is rightfully hers and promises made to her are broken. The stepmother sets impossible tasks that Cinderella might earn a night at the Ball, and is enraged when she finds these things have given her hope, when they ought to have caused her to despair! The Fairy Godmother appears, seemingly out of nowhere, and magically transforms Cinderella's circumstances beyond her wildest dreams! I wouldn't like to infer that patience and generosity always pay off, but Cinderella's "reward" for her patience, even when all hope seemed completely lost, is more than she could possibly have imagined. A coach from a pumpkin? A mouse for a footman? A shoe made of glass? It is almost ridiculous, truly sublime.

Eye has not seen, nor ear heard... the treasures the Lord has in store for those who love Him, oh Daughter! God is good, He sees you in your troubles, never lose hope, or give in to despair. 

The Prince, we assume, has received a comprehensive education and training for Court life, but Cinderella? One sees no indication that she might have had an opportunity to study the manners and customs of the gentry, and yet the only way she stands out among the rest is by just how well she fits in!! Her skill however is is not in fitting in, but that she epitomises all the virtues they hold dear. Her beauty, grace, modesty, all radiate outward. The mysterious princess captures the attention of not just the Prince, but all at Court. He can't take his eyes off her, but it seems that neither can anyone else, everyone she meets is in love with her.  

Dear Daughter, you need never worry about being accepted in different company, just be a light in darkness, those who love light and truth will love you.

Cinderella and the Prince dance the night away, he dances only with her. Once again we see that Cinderella is able to cover her lack of training with virtue. To play her part well the female in a dancing pair need not have so much training, but rather she must put her trust in the lead of the male. Is this how she captivated the attention of the Prince? Is this how she stood out among the rest, who sought the Prince for their own gains?

My darling Daughter, when you practice being kind even to your enemies, you will find it easy to follow the lead of those who love you. You can inspire love by your trust.

Cinderella is one of the lucky ones in that she doesn't have to kiss any frogs to find her Prince! The Prince's virtue is on public record; he is in training to be King, he has spent a lifetime preparing for leadership, and therefore she may trust that he is good, and his intentions honourable. He will live his life in the light for all to see and follow, and he will encourage her to do the same. Knowing this, she shows him what a wonderful partner she will make. She shows him grace and modesty, and she does not hide her feelings. 


My wonderful Daughter, never be coy, never be dishonest, if you are to love you must do so whole-heartedly. 

The hours roll swiftly by, enjoying blissful carefree timelessness with the charming Prince, when suddenly she is stirred to her senses by the clanging of the bell for Midnight. The image of the beautiful dress that turns to rags, the dignified footmen to mere creatures and the coach to a pumpkin, spoiling any lingering chance of getting home safely... Yes certainly the embarrassment of this picture would be motivation enough to race home, but why does the package come with this caveat? Well, who among us having seen our local watering hole at midnight, could argue the danger of those dark hours after midnight? Note the Fairy Godmother does not talk her through the danger, she protects her by keeping her out of harm's way in the first instance.

Dear Daughter, I do not wish to frighten you or betray your innocence by painting the full picture of the world's ugliness, I seek to protect you when I tell you how much more precious than jewels you are. 

The lost slipper provides the Prince the opportunity to pursue his beloved, to feel as if he has won the prize. It provides him a taste of her life, of almost-lost hope. And it gives them both gratitude for the other when they are reunited. Cinderella is able to see her worth reflected in his unceasing quest to find her and bring her home.

My sweet darling Daughter, watch what happens when your beloved is tested. Almost everyone has a lovely time at the Ball, when you see him struggle, you will see who he truly is.

And it provides every other woman in the kingdom the chance to prove that they are all WRONG for him! It seems utterly ridiculous to me that EVERY woman is dishonest enough to try on the shoe!! The Prince surely learns through his meetings with these others, what a rare jewel Cinderella is! Let us hope that when we recognise we are not Cinderella to a certain Prince, we may be sensible enough to let him go!! 

Dear Daughter, no opportunity will ever pass you by, what's yours is yours, never worry that you will miss out. 



There is a reason why these tales endure, it is not just that a bit of magic captures the imagination, it is that every generation feels it has something to teach the one previous. We tell the same stories over and over, not out of monotony but to teach and learn. We cheer when we see Cinderella waving to the throng of her subjects from the castle balcony, as the newly married princess, because her struggle resonates with us. We too aspire, against all odds, to reach the Castle one day.





*It is worth noting that there are many versions of the story, and the new versions are far less gruesome than the original, where the stepsisters cut off parts of their feet at the stepmother's bidding to fit into the shoes, and have their eyes pecked out at the end as punishment for their cruelty. The comments above are based on the newer versions, though the old ones I'm sure are filled with even MORE interesting symbolism!
**It's also worth noting I am just a lay Catholic, an ex-English teacher, with a sociology minor, and a mum with a sweet 8 month old daughter, NOT a theologian. 

IN A FUNK

I am ready to admit it friends; I am in a funk. 

About two months ago I got a cold.

Ugh. How I hate being sick, and because it happens to me so rarely I was so frustrated with being sick, and not being able to get as much done as I wanted to. I was so ready to have my energy back and get back into the swing of my usual duties. But it took a while to completely kick the bug, and while I waited I got used to cutting myself some slack... Until all there was was slack!! And because there is now so much to do to catch up, I don't even know where to start, nothing appeals. I seem to be just coping with the bare minimum, ie. keeping clean clothes on our backs and meals on the table, but the rest of my duties have gone totally out the window.

For two weeks I have been (unintentionally) trialling a new routine; after breakfast I put the baby to bed, make myself a coffee, and sit on the couch to do a few emails, scroll Facebook, possibly write a blogpost... You know where this is going, don't you? Of course the other two children are on me in an instant, they want "Thomas the Tank Engine", they want to ask fifty million questions, they want to sit directly under the elbow of the arm of the hand that holds the coffee and try to upend the precious brew... They simply will not amuse themselves for half an hour while I do what I like. They are DEFINITELY CAPABLE of doing this, but they refuse. For two weeks I have basically tried to bully them into leaving me alone, fought, shouted, put people in their rooms, averted near total destruction of the house by mere milliseconds... The baby wakes up at 11, the day is halfway over, we're all in a bad mood, we have achieved nothing and we probably won't achieve anything in what's left of the day.

Coming into winter this is particularly problematic. The aforementioned laundry situation is not going to improve any time soon and really must be dealt with in the mornings. The weather is not going to get any better for getting out and about doing things so we will be strictly limited in what we can achieve outside the house, being a one-car family. And the cabin fever associated with limited cheerful sunshiny days is real.

The worst part of it all is that I'm really not enjoying anything at the moment. I seem to be practising being cranky all the time, and so that's my go to response for everything. I'm not enjoying the children, every job is a hard slog and takes a huge effort to begin, and even things I usually enjoy, like my crafts, are neglected, or stressful, because the time I'm "wasting" on them is time I should probably be spending cleaning or managing the household. I am frustrating myself because I'm looking around for someone to blame and the person who's letting me down, is ME! I don't enjoy living in a mess, but I am the one forcing myself to live in it!!

The especially irritating thing is that now I have recognised this I can't un-see it!! I know how it happened, and I've even had glimpses of how to fix it... But part of me just doesn't wanna. Why me?? Why should I do all this work?? Why can't I just sit around with my feet up and relax for a few days??? But dear friends, this is not a bid for sympathy. As you can see; the one thing all these issues have in common IS ME. 

So, a new approach:

1. Break the jobs right down.

It's hard to get out of the vicious cycle of; get nothing done, too much to do, can't do it all, do nothing, too much to do, can't do it all... Just do small things and chip away at the bigger issue. Don't clean the bathroom, clean the shower. Don't clean the kitchen, clean the bench. See?

2. Each night, plan the next day.

There are always jobs, so make just one of them NON-NEGOTIABLE for the next day. Some of jobs have cruised from list to list, week to week, and just never get done this way because none of them are essential. What things need doing every day? What needs doing less often? 

3. Give the children something to do.

Every morning my eldest says to me "What day is it today? What are we doing today?" And I have realised that part of the problem is that I do not have an answer for this. I have not made any demand of myself and what I will do today aside from "get through it alive". And (to them) I am the most interesting thing in the house so they will simply follow me and question me until I am a screaming mess. I need to plan out different aspects of the day and actually think about what the children can do while I do each task, is there some way they can be involved? Lack of direction is starting to turn to destruction. This is not their fault; they need to periods of direction, and CONTRASTING periods of self-direction. They've lost their desire to self-direct because that's ALL they do. Playing a little would also be good for me, and a good way to connect. Be intentional and make an effort to spend time with them, don't say "Soon" or "Later" or "Leave me alone!!!!"

4. Get things done in the morning.

Part of the problem is I spend ALL DAY not getting anything done, so it drags on ALL DAY!!! While the baby sleeps from 9-11 would be a good time to busy myself getting things done and "earning" my afternoon break. I have been absolutely squandering this time with my futile desire to rest before I've really achieved anything. (Connected to this: rest and sleep in the evening so you will have the energy to start your day!!)

5. GET THINGS DONE.

Demand to get things done. Reward yourself for getting things done, don't allow yourself to relax if you haven't done your work first. You'll feel a lot more relaxed when you feel like you've accomplished something.

6. Make time for the things you enjoy.

And actually enjoy them! My crafts keep me sane so I need to make the time for them a priority. 

I think the real key here is to actually make a (realistic) plan, and stick to the plan. It's a great luxury being able to change plans at the last minute, but I shouldn't be throwing the plan out the window every day! 

Stay tuned for the future accountability post!

MY THIRD BABY - A Note on the Importance of Sleep

Teaching your baby to sleep, and love it, is one of the most important things you're going to do IN HIS LIFE. I'm speaking as the wife of a 34 year old bloke who apparently still hasn't learned this lesson, sigh. And yes, I'm including learning to relate to other humans, learning to read, learning to drive a car... First and foremost: SLEEP. My advice is to start working on it (teeny weeny baby steps) early and you'll save you both a lot of pain in the long run!

If you're not yet a parent there's probably A LOT you don't know about sleep, including exactly how poorly you function on very little sleep. And here's the thing, even as a new parent you can always aspire to getting 8 hours sleep in 24 hours, BUT there is a difference between eight individual hours of sleep, four two hour blocks, two four hour blocks, or (the HOLY GRAIL) eight glorious hours in a row!

Eight individual hours - Think Guantanamo Bay.

Four two hour blocks - Why do you hate me Baby?

Two four hour blocks - Not the best, but at least you wake up feeling like you've slept.

Eight hours ALL IN A ROW - Holy crap, who am I? Am I superwoman???

As a pre-parent you probably know how hard it is to cope when you've been up all night studying for an exam, or out late drinking and dancing. What you know less about is what it's like to have to get up at an unknown arbitrary time and do something demanding, regardless of whether you feel like doing it. Most of us in the past have had the option to call in sick, or power through the exam and then go home to bed. We don't know what it's like to feel completely bled dry, and still have to get up to answer your little one's cries. You lie down, spent, unable to move. I could't possibly do another thing. I MUST sleep. For many MANY MANY hours... "Waaaaaaaaaaahhh!" Well, here we go again... You are constantly finding and depleting hidden reserves of energy within you. You always feel like you have no energy, and any energy you can find is going straight into the baby, because it must! You can't simply switch the baby off for a couple of days and come back to it once you feel ready! Ha! More's the pity!

I happen to believe that the lack of sleep, and associated coping mechanisms, are character building for us parents! When your baby hits his next milestone you'll feel like you've achieved something too because you've put all this effort into keeping him alive!! It is definitely a feat of endurance!

What I don't subscribe to is the self-martyrdom of getting up to baby's every snuffle in the night. I don't believe that a baby who sleeps through the night before the age of two has been neglected into submission. I don't think you're a hero because you're still doing night feeds for a baby who's well-established on his solids. I think* that once the first three months, that precious "fourth trimester" period, is over, you can really start to DO something about sleep. Yes, your baby might still take months to get the hang of it, but there's no reason not to try! 

Because you and your baby will both function better when you've both had plenty of good-quality sleep.




*and once again, I admit I have no medical qualifications, only my own experience, chats with other mums, a shelf full of books, and extensive reading on Pinterest boards on the subject... :P

Baking Sourdough

The long awaited (well, for some!) chatty sourdough post!!

My first sourdough experiment was about four years ago, and did not get beyond the starter. That's right; no ACTUAL bread was made! Even with six weeks experience under my belt now, I couldn't tell you exactly what went wrong, but I'm guessing that the starter must have starved to death. So my confidence was shattered, I decided this was just going to be one more failure I would have to accept... And then recently I got chatting to a delightful young lady, who made it sound sooo easy I just had to give it another go!!

Having pretty much completed the beginner phase, I now want to hold the hands of a few more people who'd like to make their own proper bread and say (as I always do!) "If I can do it, anyone can!" It's a bit of a commitment, but it isn't hard work at all. If you don't consider yourself a "baker", ie. you've had your fair share of flat cakes, or burnt biscuits, sourdough might be for you! It doesn't demand the same sort of exactness that other more delicate baking does. You don't need a science degree to manage the chemistry of flour and water (though I imagine that might make it even more interesting!) As I observe the culture and experiment with it I make guesses about what might result from each change in quantity. If I get caught up in a line at the supermarket checkout I consider what the extra fifteen minutes wait might mean for my bread. I have been pleasantly surprised over the course of the last few weeks to find that generally my dough will forgive me for neglecting it and still produce a rustically beautiful loaf!

One question I've frequently been asked since I started is "Is it worth doing?" Well, if you're reading this, I think it might be. To be fair, I'm a stay at home mum with three tiny dependent kids, what's one more baby to feed, eh? I'm home all day anyways, might as well have something to show for it, blah blah blah... If you work full time you might have to play around with it so it suits your schedule, say, make your dough in the evening, refrigerate overnight and bake it in the morning, which is totally doable and depending on the timing of when I want to eat, I regularly do that too. 

But then again, if you care about what you put in your mouth, if you "eat to live" as well as "live to eat", there might be something to it. I have noticed that my sourdough bread is much gentler on my digestion than anything you can buy at the supermarket, even though it is made with the much-maligned WHITE flour! And it looks impressive, and tastes amazing... If any of that matters to you, it just might be WORTH doing.

So, "Where's the recipe???" I hear you begging! "Come now, surely we've listened to your proselytising for long enough!!!" Well for that my friends... You will have to persevere a little longer with me! I started out with a loooong recipe for making and tending my starter, and then an even longer recipe (25 steps!!) for making the bread!! When it came to the recipe for the bread I was nearly defeated. Pleased with myself for growing such a lively culture, I read all those steps and nearly chucked it thinking "Oh who can be bothered!" But actually I've found that the overly exact recipe has helped me to understand what's happening to the ingredients along the way, helped me to refine my process, and test-drive dropping steps out if I thought I might be able to do without them. 

Before you really get going though, let's get one thing straight; yes, to begin with it's going to be a teaspoon of this and so many grams of that... But I hope that as you get going, you will start to get a feeeeeeel for things. You will start to see, Oh, this dough is a bit wetter than yesterday's, what sort of bread will that make? Whoops, I gave it four hours instead of three, fingers crossed we still get something edible! Don't be wedded to the recipe, I'm sure our great great great great... great great grandmothers weren't! 

And that's what I really love about this bread; when I'm up to my elbows in flour paste, and there's a light snow of wheaty dust all over every surface in my home... I feel deeply connected to every other living being who has done this before me. Who has taken the bare basics of flour, water and salt, trusted God with the leaven, and brought forth so many beautiful loaves of health-giving, love-laden bread for their families to enjoy. No one who baked such a loaf could possibly be resentful of the little effort that it took to maintain, or that it didn't make neat sandwiches, or that the bubbles throughout weren't uniform in size. All of that is just part of its charm, a reflection of the day it was baked, the fact that it wasn't just a slice of bread but a relationship between two living things. After all isn't that what the ethical production of food is all about? Whether it's meats, vegetables or grains, it is quite simply; the respect of one living being for another. Love your starter and it will love you back.

Two things though; if you like super-exactness in recipe and result... This probably isn't for you. And in that same vein, if you hate mess, and any sort of mould/ferment makes you feel queasy just thinking of it... Yeah, this definitely isn't for you!!! Me? I can cope with every surface in the kitchen being covered with a light dusting of flour. I'm totally happy with, and grateful for, a flour-covered tea towel that hasn't been washed in six weeks (and isn't going to be any time soon!) And I can deal with rescuing a ferment on the brink of disaster. If that doesn't sound like you... Well, maybe still give it a go, maybe sourdough is the gift that will give you an appreciation for all those formerly vomit-worthy things... Or maybe you will learn that $5.50+++ a loaf is totally worth it to you!!! For me, no way mate, I want all the perks of real homemade bread, including a house that smells like real homemade bread...


Yes, you saw it coming... I have become a total #SourdoughSnob!!! The final battle for me will be coming to terms with the price of organic bread flour, and then I'll never be able to eat a square sandwich again! Now while I'm off to design my "Sourdoughaholics Anonymous" badges, here are some useful links for you:



Making a "Starter":

http://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-make-your-own-sourdough-starter-cooking-lessons-from-the-kitchn-47337

I think it helps that I started in the Summer, my starter was nice and warm and happy. I'm going to be very interested to see how the change in weather impacts my starter and my baking.



Making Sourdough Bread:

http://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-make-sourdough-bread-224367

As I've said, I've now radically simplified this recipe for my own use (in fact I do the whole thing from memory, and just set alarms on my phone to remind me when to do the next thing) but I'm still grateful for the over-abundance of steps because I think it gives you a feel for the process, rather than just blindly following along. I hope you'll find that too. Also note, I was baking one enormous loaf from this recipe and have since halved the recipe and I bake one small loaf. Mainly because I feel the bread is best in its first 24 hours, and I don't mind baking every day, and the simple fact that getting a knife through the middle of it is slightly less messy with a smaller loaf.



******* If you've gotten this far, but the idea of fermenting flour and water bubbling away in your cupboard still makes you queasy, but you'd like to make beautiful bread, then I ask that you to Google "Dutch Oven Bread", and try that. (Being familiar with this method of baking really helped me when it came to making sourdough because the process is much the same.)

Back Soon...

Just to let people know, I have my new computer! We will be back to regular programming soon!!