The article suggests that we replace these statements with the phrase "it's not a priority". Eg. "I'm sorry I haven't caught up with you yet, it's just not a priority..."
Ouch.
Obviously the article isn't actually suggesting that we should say that to our friends and loved ones, but rather consider that that's what we MEAN when we say "I'm busy."
I'm big on being intentional, so this little mind shift has really struck a chord with me. I keep promising myself that no matter how many children we have, I will never describe my life as "chaotic". And if I find that word on the tip of my tongue then it's time to reassess our priorities!
Because of the choices I make, the hobbies I enjoy, I have had it said to me numerous times over the course of my adult life, "Oh I wish I had time to do that..." Implying that I must be sitting around twiddling my thumbs LOOKING for things to do, rather than deliberately carving out the time to be creative. Or subtly nudging that something else must be suffering for me to do things that take up SO MUCH time. "You baked?? You're amazing! I just don't have time..."
You mean YOU don't have the five minutes it took for me to get out the ingredients, throw them in the thermomix, scoop them into a pan and stick them in the oven? You don't have the hour I spent sitting around waiting for it to come out of the oven? Oh wait, no I unpacked the dishwasher, hung the washing, folded yesterday's washing, planned next week's menu, all while I was "baking a cake". Hmmm. Or did you simply know that everyone will cut you plenty of slack cos you have young kids? Or you didn't even consider that you could bake a cake at the same time as doing all that? Or you don't LIKE to bake, or you're no good at it...? All valid responses by the way!!! All things I have DEFINITELY DONE (and SHOULD DO, particularly that first one) What's not valid is suggesting that I get MORE TIME than you! Explain that to me???
I now see very clearly, whatever you choose to do with your life, it will EXPAND to fill the time allotted to you. And yes, I do now find it more difficult to do some of things I want to, because now I also have three children to manage. But I do still believe that everyone has the same amount of time, and whether you have one kid or six, whether you are a SAHM or you send your kids to daycare, you will find yourself collapsing into a chair at the end of the day feeling exhausted and unfulfilled, if you haven't consciously chosen the things that are taking up your time.
So I deliberately choose not to be "busy", or not to be so busy that I have no time to be flexible, to achieve a few creative goals, to drop everything to help a friend. I am naturally a homebody so it's not hard for me to turn down social engagements, or to make do with what's in my pantry rather than having to run to the supermarket a THIRD time today! But some days I just look at my children and say, you know what no, we can't come to the park, we NEED a really boring day at home to regroup and settle down again.
Having taken some time for myself recently, I found that even during that time I was at risk of becoming "busy". I had to make a conscious decision not to overwhelm myself with social engagements and errands (just because it was suddenly more convenient to go out and do things, didn't mean those things actually NEEDED to be done, or done by me.) and not to stretch myself so thin that I would simply return to my family as worn out as when I left! Taking this time, and making those conscious decisions, I came to the realisation that people offer to help me all the time and I rarely accept. I rarely ask for help either, but in moments where people, even strangers offer to do something for me, my default response is to decline. WHY?? Why do I turn down offers of help??? Aaaaand that's a post for another day! Haha!
We all have "triage" moments in life, moments when we have to "stop the bleeding" before we can find out what's going on underneath and fix the problem. Perhaps this is yours? Why are YOU so busy? Are you overcommitted? Are you worn out cos you're not feeding yourself properly?
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