Friday, January 13, 2017

MY THIRD BABY

Welcome to a new series, called MY THIRD BABY 😊 I sat down to write on the subject of babies today, but found I had way too much to say for just one post! So in light of that, you're all going to be subjected to a weekly battering with my completely unfounded ideas about babies for as long as I can keep it up!

As you know I have three delightful children; the eldest is three, the second is nearly two, and my baby girl is just four months old. I feel like I know less (about parenting. No, scratch that, about ANYTHING!) now than I did BEFORE I had children! BEFORE I had children I was one of those annoying know-it-alls who knew exactly what YOU were doing wrong, and why being a parent was so difficult for YOU, but it would not be so for me...

Five years later I can now stare the truth in the face; it is not ALWAYS the choices people make that make being a parent difficult. And though I am still occasionally faced with case of the bleeding obvious, for the most part I can understand that children have their own agenda, and their own free will, with which they can gleefully choose to make your life a misery! Of course they don't really want you to be miserable, but if that is a side effect of their actions then they don't really give a rodent's posterior. 

Anyway with three babies successfully nurtured onto the next stage, I feel I can, I could, if pressed, offer just a teeny tiny portion of wisdom on the subject of babies! (Don't ask me about preschoolers, I am still very much a beginner) So here, for your entertainment (and direct disapproval) I offer my own naive ideas about babies.

What follows in these posts is JUST a reflection of my own experience, and MOST DEFINITELY NOT MEDICAL ADVICE. These reflections should also come with the disclaimer that I have had only "normal" births and "normal"* babies. ALL BABIES ARE DIFFERENT. What works for one person will not necessarily work for another, no matter how much the first person insists that it will, particularly if the second person is not sold on the idea and has no faith in it...  But any of this stuff could be worth a shot if you're currently having difficulty with your baby.

*Also, in saying that they were all "normal", I have had one baby who was born three weeks prior to his due date, and two babies born nearly two weeks later than their due dates, and if anyone wants to have the argument that it doesn't make a difference as both babies are technically "full term"... Bring it.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

HOW TO KEEP YOUR TEMPER WHEN EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS MELTING DOWN

Or "The Post I Will Never Write"!

I don't have the answer.

Motherhood by its very nature forces you to learn SOME patience. At the very least you surrender your own will to whatever is needed at the time, because usually having some sort of order is more valuable than anthing else that you desire in the moment!

My kind of patience is: I want to eat chocolate NOW, but I don't because doing so would invite too many questions. Best to have chocolate in six hours time when no one will ask you where you got it from and then argue with you that this chocolate was from Aldi, not Woolies. Actually I'm just quietly grateful that they don't understand weight, or volume yet, and they don't understand that the piece of chocolate that was theirs and they only got two bites of has mostly been eaten by Mummy.

I am no martyr. When I want a cup of coffee I make the coffee, sit down, put my feet up and then repeat about seven hundred times "No, Mummy is not getting up to get your puzzle/stethoscope/ukulele from the cupboard (where she's hidden it) Mummy is sitting here until this cup is empty. GO and play with the blocks that are ALL OVER MY BLOODY FLOOR. Oh? You don't want to play with them? Well then pack them up... Yes, I thought you probably might like to play with them instead..."

I'm a firm believer in boring your children senseless for at least part of every day. How else are they (and you) ever going to get through all the appointments, and waiting for appointments, and waiting in general that is part of life? The majority of times they find some way to entertain themselves, though sometimes life-endangering, at least we'll all have some good stories!

My kind of patience is: "Hmm, you're right, putting on shoes is quite difficult, especially when you first have to find the shoes, and then remember how to get them on your feet, even though they're thongs and you did it ten times on your own before breakfast while I was very sweetly asking you to take them off again and put them back in the cupboard where they go so you'd be able to find them when it came time to PUT YOUR BLOODY SHOES ON NOW SO I CAN DEMONSTRATE WHAT A GOOD MOTHER I AM BY TAKING YOU TO THE LIBRARY TO INCREASE YOUR LOVE OF LITERATURE!!!!! SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU START DAMAGING THE BOOKS AGAIN I WILL WRING YOUR BLOODY NECK!!!!!!!'

I haven't got the patience part down. I'm not sure it's in me to look at my own flesh and blood and give them the benefit of the doubt when I'm almost certain they're messing with my head on purpose... But I like to think I'm pretty good at organising things to try and avoid a situation where I would lose my patience. When things begin to feel chaotic I have developed the skillset to simplify things to restore order. Toys everywhere and kids who suddenly come down with chiropractic conditions when asked to pack up? Tomorrow there will be half as many toys. A meltdown over peanut butter or vegemite toast? Tomorrow it will be cheese on toast, no options. (The next day it will be no toast because GOOD GRIEF, THE MESS!!!) I don't have the necessary compassion to cuddle a child who is sad because I cut the sandwich into squares instead of triangles, I cannot possibly fathom that grief. But I can serve you something else for lunch for three days until you FORGET ABOUT THE FREAKING TRIANGLES!!*

And this might be just as important, if not more so, than compassion for our children. Yes, it is infinitely important that your child learns to make good choices (INFINITELY) but entering into a discussion with a three year old about which shirt he wants to wear is only ever going to be a power struggle. If I think I am being kind by giving my child choices, and every choice results in a blank stare or a meltdown, I need to reassess and meet him on his level. Give him no choices, or show no interest in the outcome. My child is largely unaware of many choices because letting him choose what to wear every morning would mean we would never leave the house. He doesn't know, and he doesn't actually care. Once the shirt is on his back he's over it, he's busy trying to build a tower or assert dominance over his brother...

Simplify. That's usually where my sanity lies.



*Preschoolers do not forget. EVER. They might neglect to mention it occasionally, but they remember.


Wednesday, January 4, 2017

SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT...

And never brought to mind! 

Ah isn't this how many of us feel regarding New Years Resolutions? We make them on the 31st of December, and by the 1st of January we'd rather forget them! And I am even more reticent to make a public confession of these goals, but as there's no guarantee anyone will read them I feel fairly safe 😉

Here's the thing about resolutions, if you don't already know, it's all well and good to say I'd like to be more spiritual/grateful/fit, but unless you back those things up with a proper plan of concrete actions... It ain't gonna happen.

So, in light of that, I have made THREE (I love making lists, don't you?) lists of resolutions.

The first is very straightforward and I won't go into any detail here, it's just a list of projects for the year, things I have promised to make, or would like to make.

The second is a list of buzzwords for the year:

Intentional
Grateful
Encouraging
Gentle
Natural
Minimalist

What I'm hoping to do is reflect on this list monthly and make a couple of goals each month related to these words, with a view to creating habits which make me a more (insert word here) person. 

And the third is a very specific list of things I actually want to do. This year I've decided to take the "eat a frog for breakfast approach" and try to get a few of them out of the way early. If you're like me you'll put a couple of things on the list SOLELY because you KNOW you can cross them off early and feel like a winner! Take kids on the Elmore Miniature Railway? TICK! Day one of the new year and we're already one resolution down!

1. A working cleaning schedule

If you know me you know I am not a cleaner. I am a tidier (don't get me started on my enthusiasm for tidying! Well, not yet, we don't have time here...) but cleaning is just something that eludes me. My particular pet peeves are vacuuming and mopping. In light of this I need to come up with some kind of rule for myself that says (as I am always saying to the children) "just do it now, and then it's done." The thing is I do APPRECIATE a clean(ish, I have small children, let's be real here people) home, I'm just in the habit of avoiding the actual cleaning.

2. Digitise addresses and birthdays

I love the IDEA of address books and birthday books, it's all so sweet and Victorian, a lady sits down at her little fold down desk and pulls out all the wherewithal to write a few cards, or a thank you note, or a real honest-to-goodness letter; "My Darling Sister, I hope this letter finds you well..." But the truth is more me texting a friend for the hundredth time to ask for her "new" address, at the place she's been living for three years 😳 Let's just face it, I'm always on my phone (I know, I know) the phone is the place I go to for information, if I was saving the info on my phone when it arrived this never would have happened in the first place... Let's just put it in the cloud so we never have to worry about it again.

3. Say the rosary

Every. Bloody. Year. If I'd grown up in a house where saying the rosary was part of the furniture, I wouldn't be struggling with it now, and the only way to stop it being generational is to make this habit in our home. And it seems particularly apt to try to do it in this the 100th anniversary of the apparitions at Fatima, when Our Lady said (again, mothers always have to repeat themselves) "If you want to help, say your freakin rosary!" (I'm paraphrasing of course, that's what I would have said, not what she said.) I think the thing, FOR ME, is going to be that emphasis that I'm doing it for THE FAMILY, not for MYSELF. It's so hard to carve out the time, especially when it feels so unproductive to be still for so long, but if I just tell myself that I'm doing it for someone else (the same way I do when I'm looking after my pregnant body) I think that might make it easier.

4. Start traditions/honour saints' feast days

See above. 

But also some days the house feels pretty crazy with a three year old, an almost two year old, and a four month old, and I am convinced that this is at least in part because I don't plan out our days. (This is also the problem with the cleaning schedule, I am waiting for the "desire to clean" to strike me like a bolt of lightning, hopefully before the mould takes over 😳) Oh we have a routine for meal times and sleeps, but it has only recently become a problem that no activities are PLANNED in between. It used to be enough that I would do a few jobs and the kids would play with their toys, but now, particularly since Mister Three has dropped his sleep, we really need some directed activities. We've moved from planned activities being too over-stimulating, to DESPERATELY NEEDING some structure, not just to keep the crazy at bay, but to actually keep the child's brain developing. 

5. Finish the baby books

Now, this is nowhere near as far from done as you might imagine. Child 1's book is missing one photo I think, Child 2 I just have to go back through some emails and find the necessary details, Child 3... We will get there 😁 As you can see, I love to write, I love a project, and I love the idea that my child will be able to come back to this record when they have a baby and see that they too were cute, and cuddly, and confusing... 

6. Cover the kids' books

This is ongoing, especially as I keep BUYING books (Op shops! How can people simply discard these treasures!? I feel particularly wounded when I see it's been discarded from a school library, I guess to make room for more "Hunger Games" and "Twilight" eek!) and it's going to take a substantial amount of contact to cover the ones we have (I once aspired to covering all my husband's books too, but that's just beyond me now!) but Child 2 is particularly adept at destroying books, in a way that would never occur to Child 1, so we must do our best to protect our faithful friends!

7. Multivitamin

'Nuff said really. I have a friend who's a naturopath who can get really high quality supplements, I just have to get onto this. And then not forget to take them. (I hate taking them, they make me feel queasy, anyone else?) Anyway, we can all stand to take better care of ourselves one way or another, at least one resolution should be focussed on this. Oh yeah, and exercise, pfft. Moving on.

8. Save for Christmas

Oh geez. EVERY YEAR it takes me by surprise! "Oh, Christmas you say? Hmm, better buy some presents..." And I consider myself an organised person! I usually start buying presents in November cos I do a lot of my shopping online and you need time for delivery. So with that in mind, this year I'm opening an EXTRA savings account and squirrelling the money away so I have it when Christmas comes. I'm going to do that decreasing savings thing, so the first week it's $50, then $49, $48, $47, etc. I figure by November this will give me a nice little bundle to spend on EVERYTHING we usually spend on at Christmas. AND THEN I'd like to be DONE with the shopping by the end of November so I can focus my energy (and my little munchkins' minds) on ADVENT. Something that sadly eluded me this year.


And that's it! Easy, right?


Monday, January 2, 2017

BLOG, SWEET BLOG...

Well here we are, back for another go at this blogging caper!

Hello to anyone stumbling across this page for the first time, this endeavour was started waaay back in 2010 specifically as a way of recording some of my experiences in the kitchen.


Six years later (2017) I am taking to it again and expanding the list of subjects (food, motherhood, school of life...) If you've met me (likely) and you're interested in my ramblings (unlikely) then stay tuned, this is where they'll be at for the foreseeable future!


First though a bit of housekeeping, lest anyone think I am getting too big for my boots, let me provide IMMEDIATE CLARIFICATION: I have no authority to comment on any of what follows. I am not a medical professional, a chef, an early childcare worker. Just because I offer a suggestion onwhat one might do in these areas, it does not follow that I consider myself particularly accomplished in any of these areas. I am just a girl from the country, doing her best to get on and maintain her sanity as a homemaker (my preferred term). I do TRY, but just in case you're reading this and you don't yet know me very well, rest assured, I am very aware of my shortcomings as a mother, a wife, and human being. 

All that being dealt with, let's just briefly touch on what this IS. It is mainly a way for me to stop bombarding sweet but exhausted friends with lengthy diatribes about my experiences, to spend a little bit more time on reflection, to record for posterity some of my journey...


And to remind me (six years from now?) about that time when I thought I knew anything about anything, and was bold (obnoxious) enough to put my total naivety on public display! 


So, if you're into that sort of thing... ENJOY!




PS. Oh, and welcome to 2017 🎉

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Entertaining





Having people over for dinner, or indeed any meal, is something I really enjoy, mainly because there are a few simple rules I try to abide by.
1. When people offer to bring something don't turn them down. You turn them down once they will continually turn up empty-handed. Every polite person wants to bring something. It also gives them something to do when they come in the door. If you're really all set for dinner and dessert drop a hint, "Something to have with coffee..." "A cheap bottle of something, if you've one on hand..."
2. Get a drink into people's hands as soon as they are in the door. The fastest way to get the conversation going quickly is to loosen the tongues with a tipple. I don't care if it is lunch, they want it, even if they pretend they don't.
3. Cook for the people who are coming, serve food that you know they will eat. There's nothing worse than going to a dinner where the food is fancier than you are.
4. If something is causing you stress about the meal, cut it. You don't have to provide a green vegetable, if you're having rice you probably don't need bread, certainly not bread that you have to bake from scratch.
5. If you are putting yourself through the ordeal of making something from scratch, make sure people know about it. When making a pie crust don't worry about making it perfect or the guests won't appreciate your trouble.
6. Whatever you do, make sure there is dessert. Dessert is the magic spell that erases all memory of the meal before it. Because of this (and an insistent sweet tooth) I generally spend more time and care on dessert than the main meal. There are many desserts that are a snap to make, and you need only make one.
7. I will not offer you dessert, and if you ask for "just a little sliver" I will give you a piece double the size of what you're thinking of and you will gobble it up anyway! Why pretend?
8. People will have what you have. This is a rule handed down to me by a friend who never entertains, but wise still. If you don't get soft drink they will drink water, if you don't get dip they will eat cheese. Only J-Lo will demand anything special, and as a result she won't get invited back.
9. Offer people seconds of things if you've accidentally over-catered. You don't really want half a cheesecake staring accusingly out of your fridge every time you open it. And if they don't take seconds, sneakily make them up a doggie-bag to take with them. 
10. My favourite kind of guest asks for a recipe for something they enjoyed (not the whole menu mind you!) and a good host gets it to them within a week with every necessary tip to make it as well as you do. Don't be stingy.