About two months ago I got a cold.
Ugh. How I hate being sick, and because it happens to me so rarely I was so frustrated with being sick, and not being able to get as much done as I wanted to. I was so ready to have my energy back and get back into the swing of my usual duties. But it took a while to completely kick the bug, and while I waited I got used to cutting myself some slack... Until all there was was slack!! And because there is now so much to do to catch up, I don't even know where to start, nothing appeals. I seem to be just coping with the bare minimum, ie. keeping clean clothes on our backs and meals on the table, but the rest of my duties have gone totally out the window.
For two weeks I have been (unintentionally) trialling a new routine; after breakfast I put the baby to bed, make myself a coffee, and sit on the couch to do a few emails, scroll Facebook, possibly write a blogpost... You know where this is going, don't you? Of course the other two children are on me in an instant, they want "Thomas the Tank Engine", they want to ask fifty million questions, they want to sit directly under the elbow of the arm of the hand that holds the coffee and try to upend the precious brew... They simply will not amuse themselves for half an hour while I do what I like. They are DEFINITELY CAPABLE of doing this, but they refuse. For two weeks I have basically tried to bully them into leaving me alone, fought, shouted, put people in their rooms, averted near total destruction of the house by mere milliseconds... The baby wakes up at 11, the day is halfway over, we're all in a bad mood, we have achieved nothing and we probably won't achieve anything in what's left of the day.
Coming into winter this is particularly problematic. The aforementioned laundry situation is not going to improve any time soon and really must be dealt with in the mornings. The weather is not going to get any better for getting out and about doing things so we will be strictly limited in what we can achieve outside the house, being a one-car family. And the cabin fever associated with limited cheerful sunshiny days is real.
The worst part of it all is that I'm really not enjoying anything at the moment. I seem to be practising being cranky all the time, and so that's my go to response for everything. I'm not enjoying the children, every job is a hard slog and takes a huge effort to begin, and even things I usually enjoy, like my crafts, are neglected, or stressful, because the time I'm "wasting" on them is time I should probably be spending cleaning or managing the household. I am frustrating myself because I'm looking around for someone to blame and the person who's letting me down, is ME! I don't enjoy living in a mess, but I am the one forcing myself to live in it!!
The especially irritating thing is that now I have recognised this I can't un-see it!! I know how it happened, and I've even had glimpses of how to fix it... But part of me just doesn't wanna. Why me?? Why should I do all this work?? Why can't I just sit around with my feet up and relax for a few days??? But dear friends, this is not a bid for sympathy. As you can see; the one thing all these issues have in common IS ME.
So, a new approach:
1. Break the jobs right down.
It's hard to get out of the vicious cycle of; get nothing done, too much to do, can't do it all, do nothing, too much to do, can't do it all... Just do small things and chip away at the bigger issue. Don't clean the bathroom, clean the shower. Don't clean the kitchen, clean the bench. See?
2. Each night, plan the next day.
There are always jobs, so make just one of them NON-NEGOTIABLE for the next day. Some of jobs have cruised from list to list, week to week, and just never get done this way because none of them are essential. What things need doing every day? What needs doing less often?
3. Give the children something to do.
Every morning my eldest says to me "What day is it today? What are we doing today?" And I have realised that part of the problem is that I do not have an answer for this. I have not made any demand of myself and what I will do today aside from "get through it alive". And (to them) I am the most interesting thing in the house so they will simply follow me and question me until I am a screaming mess. I need to plan out different aspects of the day and actually think about what the children can do while I do each task, is there some way they can be involved? Lack of direction is starting to turn to destruction. This is not their fault; they need to periods of direction, and CONTRASTING periods of self-direction. They've lost their desire to self-direct because that's ALL they do. Playing a little would also be good for me, and a good way to connect. Be intentional and make an effort to spend time with them, don't say "Soon" or "Later" or "Leave me alone!!!!"
4. Get things done in the morning.
Part of the problem is I spend ALL DAY not getting anything done, so it drags on ALL DAY!!! While the baby sleeps from 9-11 would be a good time to busy myself getting things done and "earning" my afternoon break. I have been absolutely squandering this time with my futile desire to rest before I've really achieved anything. (Connected to this: rest and sleep in the evening so you will have the energy to start your day!!)
5. GET THINGS DONE.
Demand to get things done. Reward yourself for getting things done, don't allow yourself to relax if you haven't done your work first. You'll feel a lot more relaxed when you feel like you've accomplished something.
6. Make time for the things you enjoy.
And actually enjoy them! My crafts keep me sane so I need to make the time for them a priority.
I think the real key here is to actually make a (realistic) plan, and stick to the plan. It's a great luxury being able to change plans at the last minute, but I shouldn't be throwing the plan out the window every day!
Stay tuned for the future accountability post!
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